He’s already seen it.
Porn has been called “America’s #1 addiction.” And it’s not hard to see why:
1. This year, researchers in Canada had to cancel a study on the effects of porn after they couldn’t find a single young man who hadn’t viewed porn for their control group. Their initial search revealed that, on average, young men first view porn at the age of 10!
2. Statistics show that at least half of Christian men (including pastors) view porn on a regular basis.
3. Approximately 1/3 of Christian women access porn regularly; 28 percent of all self-reporting porn addicts are women.
4. Twenty-nine percent of born-again Christians believe it is acceptable to watch sexually explicit movies, yet nearly 60 percent of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issue within their congregations.
5. In 2003, 2/3 of divorce lawyers reported that for more than half of their cases involving Internet issues, couples cited online pornography as a significant factor in their divorce.
A couple of years ago, I participated in an online debate group for military wives. One of the most heated debates I witnessed was on the issue of porn. The two or three women who admitted that porn was not allowed in their marriage were attacked by others claiming that, by denying their men the release provided by porn while on deployment, they were setting themselves up to be cheated on with real women. I had to pick my jaw up from the floor.
Granted, there was a time I allowed myself to believe that porn was no big deal. After all, if a married couple wants to watch it together, where’s the issue? But then God began to show me the reality of porn and why it is inappropriate in both a Christian’s life and a loving marriage.
An Unloving Activity
There’s a reason many women feel offended when they discover their husbands watching porn. It is unloving behavior. One of the purposes of marriage is to find sexual satisfaction in a sole partner. The Bible says,
[M]ay you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife (Proverbs 5:18-20)?
When a woman sees her husband viewing porn, she wonders why he would want to satisfy himself with an image of another female. After all, there’s a real, sexually available woman right under his nose! On the surface, it just doesn’t make sense. (More on this later.)
The Bible also says that love “does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). But what exactly is evil?
For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander (Matthew 15:19).
When a person views porn, they are taking delight in sexual immorality. After all, the actors on the screen are not married. Too often, porn portrays threesomes, orgies, bestiality, violence and homosexual acts. The person viewing the porn participates vicariously in the act, his or her thoughts active with the scene, indulging an intense fantasy of lust and depravity.
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21).
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8).
The thing is, most porn viewers intuitively know that what they are doing is morally wrong. As a result, they are embarrassed to openly admit their behavior. Jesus explains why:
Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed (John 3:20).
In addition, consuming porn sends a message to its creators, demanding more for the market. So when Christian men view porn, they are financially contributing to its increase in society and asking the actors to continue in sexual immorality!
The Truth
So what is the truth that mankind is to delight in? The Bible says,
The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body (1 Corinthians 6:13).
According to Ephesians 5, the “one flesh” union of marriage symbolizes the redemptive relationship between Christ and the church. It is a relationship of mutual love and submission. Porn distorts that relationship by drawing a person’s desire away from his or her spouse. Some people rationalize this behavior by claiming, “What my spouse doesn’t know won’t hurt them.” But it does. When a married person consumes porn, he or she is robbing their spouse of the physical intimacy that is rightfully theirs. When the behavior is later brought to light, the spouse feels devastated at this loss.
The Bible commands believers to present their bodies “as a living sacrifice” unto the Lord–our reasonable act of worship (Romans 12:1). Sacrifice, by its very nature, requires relinquishing those things we’d like to do, but know are not good for our loved ones or spiritual health.
Porn’s Addictive Pull
So what makes porn so attractive in the first place? For starters, its designed to be that way. The actors in porn are often physically desirable. The men are muscular and well-endowed; the women (usually) have enlarged breasts, flat stomachs and hairless bodies. The sex act is compartmentalized, with the camera focusing on body parts rather than the people involved. As such, porn takes the sex act and divorces from it any portrayal of intimacy or real emotion. The actors become sexual objects rather than people created in the image of God–people with real needs and desires. Their reactions to the act are exaggerated or faked to simulate intense pleasure. Awkward repositioning and weird noises are edited out of the final cut. The result is a highly stimulating image that guarantees no failures, objections, or unpleasant surprises. The actors in porn appear to enjoy everything that is done to them, no matter how dangerous, painful or degrading.
Porn offers consumers an effortless path to sexual stimulation. There’s no need to woo another person or consider a spouse’s personal needs or feelings. There’s no “setting the mood” or striving to please someone else. Porn is the ultimate in selfish indulgence. And like most highly stimulating activities, it releases intoxicating levels of dopamine in the brain, which is the first step on the path to addiction.
Porn’s Destructive Effects
Its no coincidence that the rise of sexual performance-enhancing drugs (Viagra, Cialis) has coincided with the explosion in Internet pornography. Psychology Today reports that excessive porn consumption has lead to porn-induced sexual dysfunction, in which people find it difficult or impossible to become aroused by their spouses. Young, healthy men in their 20s are reporting this problem. No wonder so many marriages are endangered by porn!
Porn also gives consumers a skewed view of sex. In porn, sex is only about one’s pleasure, not about achieving intimacy with another person of worth. There’s no care, nurturing or personal validation in porn–the things people genuinely need within sexual relationships to feel whole, connected and balanced. Porn is a lie that says we can fulfill our most depraved fantasies without any real consequence to our lives or others. And, increasingly, our brothers and sons are being exposed to porn at younger and younger ages, even before their first dating experiences…even before puberty! As the mother of a boy, that concerns me.
A Return to the Holy Standard of Love
As I stated in my post “Christians and Sex,” abstaining from sexual immorality is an act of love because it ensures we do not take selfish advantage of another person for our own pleasure. It is when we adhere to this standard of Biblical love that true wholeness and satisfaction is found in marriage. And there’s a whole world out there suffering from human trafficking, child sex abuse, STDs, sexual assault and unplanned pregnancies. How can the church effectively address and cure these ills when half of its members are secretly engaged in the same kind of immorality? It’s time for a renewing of the mind.
Revolutionary Faith 
Agree with this completely! Here’s another comment to ponder….those that are married need to be careful not to push their spouse to do something that they are not comfortable with, (sexually speaking). If the act that you like makes the spouse uncomfortable you need to have an open discussion concerning this and if it still cannot be agreed upon it needs to be stopped completely. Not everything is okay just because you’re married.
It’s also wrong to mix linen and wool, which Im guessing you do on a regular basis
Cherry picker.
Actually, most of my clothes are made of rayon.
I agree with everything that you have stated.
Now the question is: “Why are so many Christians engaging in this disordered behavior? Why is their spiritual practice so unfullfilling that they have to seek satisfaction in behavior that we would expect from those whose hearts and minds are not centered in the Holy One?”
Passing more laws prohibiting disordered behavior between consenting adult peers, especially when the behavior is addictive, is not going to solve the problem.
I not only agree with your post. I also agree with this one: http://bit.ly/13iVLQ3
The Absurdity of Legislating Sexual Morality
May 16, 2013 By Christian Piatt
April, Another anointed teaching article. The steps toward this, speaking from experience, is that your entertainment as well has to be totally sanctified. Sexual spirits are attached to music, movies, tv and magazines. They are the “gateway/marajuana” to the “heroin/porn”. I don’t listen to romantic pop/R&B songs that have sexual lyrics ( I don’t listen to secular music actually, anyway). There is almost nothing on TV. Either sex and partial nudity on non-premium channels is used in a dramatic or comedic context with tons of inuendos. The Lord has quickened me about the only show I watch on TV Revolution. There was 1 sex scene 2 episodes ago and that was the only one for the season. And I’ve relapsed into the Vampire Diaries a few times. LOL. Hey, Confess your sins..James 5:16…I’m not in works but the Holy Spirit will quicken you and you will cringe at these shows and I want to go all the way with God. But really there is nothing to watch to be safe with besides food and decorating channels. We must review movies before we watch them. There are good Christian movie review sites such as: http://christiananswers.net/spotlight/. After that our billboards are off the hook in NJ. In Philly strip clubs are advertised on a US interstate highway. The fitness magazines are crazy!!! I mean you can see that someone is in shape from covered leotards. The fitness magazines have become Maxim. Some of the commercials are nuts too. For these things you have to be girded up to turn away and pray for covering.
Moreover from a psychological perspective there is correlation with porn/masturbation and anxiety/stress. When the pattern/routine perspective is addressed you may find that it will return in turn of psychological stress which is the real reason why this spirit is so strong. Pray for God to heal the emotional brokenness that made your mind condition to porn to feel relaxed.
Typo Above I meant: find that it will return in times
Thank you for sharing this word of truth. Porn comes with a high price to everyone around the addicted person. Oh, the lives that have been destroyed by such a perversion of that which God created to be a delight to a married couple.
Thank You, Father, that your grace and mercy are available for this as well. You amaze me.
\o/
Praise Jesus!
Hmm, I’d like to post this anonymously, because–sensitive nature of the topic, here!
I’m 23. All of my friends watch porn (most of them are male). My partner was exposed to porn before puberty, and was molested by another child around the same time. He viewed porn often as a teenager, but after meeting and falling in love with me, naturally lost interest. Porn gets boring. In his experience, it isn’t as enjoyable as being with someone who cares about him. (Not to say that some people don’t have issues with it while married. I’ve heard of people who do. But that’s not the case with us.)
Instead of condemning the activity as perverse, I prefer to think of two things:
1) The porn stars. Some porn actors may genuinely enjoy their jobs. But, having watched a few documentaries about them, and read a few personal accounts by them, I wouldn’t be surprised if many, if not the majority (but that might be going too far) of them got into porn due to unfortunate circumstances, and are sometimes coerced into doing things they feel uncomfortable with. I’m not saying they’re slaves (which is a huge problem in itself). I just mean, these people deserve better.
Is this something we want to be promoting with our pageviews? The porn industry exists because of the demand. They make money when we view their stuff. So yeah, it’s against my ethics for that reason.+
2) A lot of men are really lonely. Our culture is enormously lonely as it is, and I think that men, who have often been taught that physical affection between them is “gay” of “feminine,” are suffering a lack of healthy, positive, touch. I think touch is a need. I think it, like social interaction, is really really important to our well being.
In other cultures, it’s perfectly normal for men to sit with their arms around each other’s shoulders, to hug, to give each other back-rubs, and even, to play with each other’s hair. (In India, my sister witnessed this firsthand. Haha. And no, the man wasn’t a homosexual. xD His wife was there. It’s just, culturally acceptable, and considered loving, to be really touchy-feely with one’s friends.)
Our culture is kind of weird in our lack of affection, when you look at it. 😛 And, we are very isolated from one another in a lot of ways. People are segregated by age categories. We spend a lot of time on electronics. It can be hard to form close friendships.
My friend from India, who is Muslim, doesn’t believe porn is godly. So he doesn’t watch it, unless he is away from his culture for months, all alone, and feels lonely.
Henry Nouwen writes beautifully and compassionately about human loneliness and sexuality, in many Life of the Beloved. I think he gets it. I think he sees the pain beneath the behaviour some disapprove of.
This is why I don’t judge people who view pornography. I find looking for the reasons why a person might be acting the way they are a lot more helpful.
*There’s lots of porn on the internet featuring conventionally unattractive people, just so you know. 😛 And also, there are married couples who create porn. It’s a pretty diverse market.
Thanks for reading and commenting! I agree with many of the points you have made. I don’t know if you’ve read The Five Love Languages, but touch is the way in which I feel most loved. I definitely think our culture could use more non-sexual touching.
That said, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m being judgmental of people who watch porn or produce it. Notice that I never said that such people are disgusting or damned or anything else. My heart actually aches for those in the sex industry; many of them have been wounded very deeply in the past. I was more or less stating that the activity was immoral, not the people themselves. As I told a friend of mine recently, there’s a difference between judging (a situation) and being judgmental (of people). Being able to say “that’s wrong” or “that’s not a good idea” is necessary for teaching and setting standards.
We do spend too much time agonizing over the symptoms of our psycho/sociopathology and not enough time reflecting on the dynamics behind them. One of my favorite quotes is from *Swami Beyondananda*: And take the War on Drugs — please!
How many billions have they spent? My solution is cheaper and More effective : …..Improve Reality! –Steve Bhaerman aka Swami Beyondananda
And also this one from an Eastern Orthodox source: “The crisis which the Western society is undergoing has primarily spiritual roots.” ~Metropolitan Hilarion, Russian Orthodox archbishop
One other thing I would add to the observations about the evils of pornography is that, even when no one else directly knows about the use, viewing pornography and being gratified by it changes a person. This is as it is with all consistent experiences. It is even comparable to human relationships, even to marriage: people who spend a great deal of time together, most especially in intimate or intense ways, develop around each other and around those experiences. Being accustomed to and longing for the gratification of pornography transforms a person, even though he may not recognize it and anyone around him may either not be close enough to notice or may see the ill effects and yet now know the source.
You touch on this a bit later in the article in mentioning young men who find it difficult to be aroused by their wives, after they’ve indulged in too much pornography. That’s one of the many ill effects. One’s consumption of pornography can indeed be kept secret, but not all of its vile consequences can.
Good post.
So true. Thanks for reading and commenting!