When you’re right where He wants you

Image from letthepreistsarise.com

When I was about 19 years old, God gave me a vision for a speaking and teaching ministry. I won’t go into the details of the vision here, but suffice to say it’s significant enough to get me choked up whenever I do share it. I knew at the time that said ministry would be a ways down the road for me, so I wasn’t anxious about it. I had a lot of growing still to do, and I was willing to wait for God’s timing.

In the past decade or so, God has given me small opportunities to share sermons and devotionals with groups of people. These special moments have stirred my soul and made me hungry for the bigger vision on the horizon. Still, it has felt like a distant thing…something much further than arm’s length away…

Until recently.

About eight months ago, I sensed that my wait was coming to a close. I heard God say, “Get ready.” Exciting things began to happen in my church and in my personal devotional time. I began looking for opportunities to minister to people. I attended a leadership training seminar. The door God had designated for me to walk through was finally swinging wide, and my future on the other side looked glorious. Absolutely glorious! All I needed was an invitation to walk through.

Except…invitations were not forthcoming.

At some point, in my rush for the door, I felt God halt behind me. Here it was, my purpose for being, open and glowing and beckoning, and He was…not taking me there. I turned. What was the deal? He was standing there shaking His head. “Your wait is almost over,” He said. “But not quite yet.”

Not yet. 

I wondered what I was missing. Was it formal training? At a friend’s suggestion, I looked into seminary. But it wasn’t feasible with my schedule or finances, and I didn’t feel released to pursue that path. So I thought about joining a ministerial internship program at my church. Again, the answer was no. Having witnessed the consequences of people forcing themselves through doors without God’s permission and presence, I finally relented. “Ok, God,” I said. “As painful as it may be, I won’t walk through that door without you at my side. I will wait and draw closer to you.”

And as I prayed on the threshold to draw closer to God, He reached down and shattered me completely. He plunged me into darkness, tore every prayer from my lips, and cloaked me in a veil of silence. This week, I am convinced that Jesus wears jack boots and has both heels in the back of my neck.

For the past few months, I have been sitting before this open door to my destiny, spiritually deaf, dumb and blind. I have watched as seemingly every other person with a call on their life walks through their door. My Facebook feed is littered with stories of new ministries started, people healed, people led to Christ, other blogs going viral–and I’m basically bleeding out on the floor. I try to pray for people and struggle to get out more than “God, help them.” Sometimes I open my mouth and nothing comes out.

I feel about as effective as an inflatable screwdriver.

I recently looked up to God and asked, “What gives? Where do you want me to go? What would you have me to do?” He said, “Nothing. You’re right where I want you.”

Oh. Well. If that’s the case…I guess I can bleed some more. Easy enough.

Then this week, as I sat staring into my golden door, I felt Him nudging me toward the threshold again.

“Get ready.”

“Now, God? You want me to walk through the door now? When I can’t utter more than three words in prayer? When I’m so broken I’d need a magnifying glass and tweezers to locate all of the pieces?”

“What if I do? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course. I was just thinking maybe you’d want me to achieve a little wholeness first. Or get my act together. Something like that.”

“Don’t you recall? My power is made perfect in weakness. Are you ready to see what I will do?”

Absolutely. Let’s dance!

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name (Revelation 3:8).

Advertisements

5 responses to “When you’re right where He wants you

  1. Oh, April, I think we have been on parallel walks! I have such empathy for you. I, too, have seen those open doors and have heard, “Not yet!” I can only believe that I am exactly where He wants me. He will take my hand and lead me over the threshold at the perfect time. He will do the same for you. And he will give us wings.

  2. Strengths, beautiful article:) when the time is right it’ll surely happen. I too go through times when I’m not supposed to do anything, and I’m reminded of His will and His way and I’ve learnt the ideas I have about how the Lord’s work works is not that way at all. The pain too shall pass, everything has a beginning and everything has an end:) your time will come:) will pray for you

  3. And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left.

    34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

    35 And the people stood beholding. And the rulers also with them derided him, saying, He saved others; let him save himself, if he be Christ, the chosen of God.

    36 And the soldiers also mocked him, coming to him, and offering him vinegar,

    37 And saying, If thou be the king of the Jews, save thyself.

    Yep. They had him weakened and cornered all right—-right where He wanted them. They thought they were in control. However, in this moment of weakness, the reality of the matter was that He was in complete control and the plan was running right on schedule.