I Have Not Obeyed

Hello, dear readers. I hope you are well.

I have a confession. A couple of months ago, I felt God calling me to a season of deep rest. And I have needed it. This has been a very difficult year. I have experienced a great deal of stress and battled chronic pain. My emotional reserves are entirely depleted.

But I knew what deep rest required: a sabbatical from blogging. I didn’t want to do it. I love interacting with the community I’ve built here. I love it when my words resonate with others and they write to tell me how much something I wrote helped them. And I’ll be honest, I’ve struggled a lot this year with envy. There are other wonderful bloggers out there, who have more time than I do, who can post twice a week and, therefore, have a larger readership, more exposure, and more opportunities to speak or guest post on other blogs. I want those things, too. And I know the cost involved in taking time off.

I also know that the moment I hit ‘publish’ on this post, I’ll likely be flooded with a hundred topics to write on.

But it’s past time to obey.

I need rest. I need to breathe and sleep and meditate and pray and read. I need to do art. I need to nurture myself. But most of all, I need to press my ear to the silence and find the heartbeat of God. I need to be carried for a while. I have no grand words of wisdom, prophetic insight, or spiritual instruction. I’m just an empty, broken vessel waiting for some glue.

If you feel inclined to pray for me, please do.

I’m hoping I’ll be back to some light blogging by November 1. I’ll keep you updated on my return. If I feel up to it, I may republish some older posts to keep the blog going. In the meantime, please be blessed and take care.

P.S. I love you all. Please forgive me if I haven’t answered your email.

8 responses to “I Have Not Obeyed

  1. Love and peace from me. Jesus went away from the pressing crowds to rest. You can to. Take your time. Enjoy. Avoid turning your opportunity to rest into another “God where are you” exercise. You know where He is already—in you and standing right next to you. (((HUG)))

  2. If God is pressing you for a rest then please listen to Him! Don’t give yourself a deadline April, we will look forward to your return. Remember your post about the lamb? Don’t make God break your legs again, go willingly when He calls you! It will be good for you and for your family to rest and recharge. Be still and know that He is God. Abide in Him and He in you. Best wishes for a beautiful and restorative break.

  3. “The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you,
    And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
    And give you peace.” You are loved. Take care. I will be praying for you.

  4. Thank you so much for this profound letter. You are setting the rest of us a wonderful example of Sabbath-keeping. It is very counter-cultural these days and a much-needed witness to the fact that our bodies, minds and spirits all need rest grounded in God’s peace. And yes, you will be in my prayers, for sure.

  5. April, He is our Shepherd and guides us to still waters and green meadows to restore our soul. Allow Him to do so. Rest fully in His embrace. And I will pray for you in the interim. ❤

  6. I don’t think I’ve ever commented on one of your posts, but since I’ve found your blog I’ve read every single one of your posts. I belong to a different faith than you, but I appreciate your very honest and sincere – what to speak of well-written and researched! -posts. It is a challenge to find that balance to both take your faith, your scripture and your spiritual practice and community seriously while still being honest and real with who you are and where you’re at.
    Please be good to yourself, and anything you’ll be able to share with us here, I’ll come back for it. But more important is to take care of yourself, please take all the time you need!

  7. Sending you love. Grateful you are taking care of yourself. “Press my ear to the silence” is a delightful intent!